Why?
I don’t know why I’m writing this. My heart is heavy for a friend. For a community, for people I know and for people that I don’t. I’m angry, I’m pissed, I’m sad. I wonder if the pain and sadness I feel is selfish because of how it pales in comparison. I wonder if my need to write is selfish. I wonder if the only one I’m helping with this is me.
I can’t help but think, though, I’m not the only one that feels this way right now. Many of us hurt today. Many of us are mourning today. Praying today. Hoping today. Asking questions. Searching our souls.
I keep asking “why” even though I know there is nobody, God included, that can tell me the answer. But the word why is at the center of everything I’m thinking.
Why do I even care about sports? Why are they even important?
Why is the world such a cruel place? Why can’t things be different, why can’t things be better? Why don’t we love on each other in excess every day? Why do we wait until terrible things happen to ask ourselves that? Just freaking why?
Why?
My heart especially aches for Gretna volleyball. It aches for the Nebraska Juniors club. It aches for so many because so many are impacted by the events of last night. So many people. So many schools. So many organizations. So many are impacted because of the depth and love those impacted the most have made in the lives of so many.
I got to hug people tighter today. I got to look at them with a different perspective and it all seems so damn unfair that the reason why is what it is. It’s so disturbing how brutal life is, that it can’t and won’t slow down or stop or pause for us to catch our breath or to gather ourselves. I hate this world sometimes.
The older I get and the more times these things happen the more I detach myself from the world. The less I care about the things the world says I should care about. The more disdain I have for complaining, gripping, the lack of civility, those without compassion or willing to have unconditional love for others while wholeheartedly knowing I’m just as guilty as anyone of these things.
But, maybe we need to stay in that place where so many of us are now instead of slowly returning to business as usual. Maybe that’s a way to honor the souls of those who have gone to the other side and now rest and see the beauty of the universe from the side of the Artist as opposed to the side the rest of us are on, looking at that same universe and wondering what the……
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I’m writing this and right now I just don’t feel like I know a whole helluva lot about anything.
So, all I can say is what I do know. For my friend, his family and those that I do know who are in so much pain right now, I love you. For those impacted that I don’t know, my love is with you as well and I will do the only thing that I can right now for you, and that is to pray.
Why do we wait to tell people that we love them? Why do we wait to show people that we love them? Why don’t we just be more loving people in general?
Why?